Monday, May 26, 2014

My Artist Bio

Paul Mellender was an artist from Reno, Nevada. His biography was not written by him in third person, but rather by someone else. So it can probably trusted and nothing in it is contrived. That noted, he was a profound individual of unrivaled skill and handsomeness. His inventions helped end human suffering (for about an hour or so in one small area about the size of a living room) and fed the hungry (in that he once took a hungry friend to lunch...well, didn't exactly take them, they split the bill.)

Regarding his art, Paul Mellender (again not me, notice I'm formally using my full name- signed, Someone Else) can be credited with, not only, the creation of his own fine works, but he also found ways to annoy and irritate other artists. Fondly, but with some clear bitterness, known as "Epistemological Crisis Mellender", he was rarely invited to parties.

Wait, I think I got off track, let me get back to regarding the art. Yes. Yes. Very nice. Good stuff. Now that that is done let's get on with some interesting things instead.

Paul Mellender had parents. One was tall and one was short, but it is unclear which was which. One was also a witch (probably his father). His mother once wrestled a 7 foot man to the ground when he tried to rob her. That is fact but sounds like fiction.

This one time...wait, that doesn't sound like professional biographical writing. Hold on. These two times, Paul did stuff in public that earned him accolades and great praise, also some awards, and some thoughtful attention by very important people. Notice I just said "Paul" instead of "Paul Mellender". I figure you guys are friends now and I can drop the formalities. In fact, since friendship is established I feel like I can relax a bit, mind if I undo the top button of my pants? (Big lunch with a friend earlier...we split the check and I don't want to do the same to my pants.)

Paul Mellender was killed while saving several children from a crazed, supernaturally large, bear named Ethan. He was able to save the Princess before Ethan, the Bear, rent him limb from limb. Following his death, Paul Mellender, or the "Paulinator" as he preferred to be called, wandered the lonely roads of America, humming the song, The Lonely Man, from the 80's Incredible Hulk TV show. Someone Else is listening to this song while he types Paul Mellender's biographer and he is nearly in tears.

Today. Paul Mellender continues to be an artist of international renown. Called THE "Citizen of the World", he continues to create art and other magical doodads to the delight of millions. And why wouldn't he? Though dead (see the part about Ethan above, and since you are rereading please enjoy the funny part about my pants again) Paul "Paully Pockets" Mellender is planning to have an ice cream sandwich in about an hour. Make that 45 minutes, I type slow.

Mr. Mellender's next adventures promise to be a boon and wonderment to all. Okay, I think I filled up the required space. PEACE!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am surprised that I havent seen your work earlier. The quality of even your sketches is outstanding and some of your paintings remind me of 19th century academic art.

Saw your portfolio on artstation you should definetly do some youtube videos of your digital paintings, I bet they would be watched :)

Loved your biography by the way, greetz from Turkey!